from the archives // 29 September 2022, with a few updates from today

Let’s talk about birth control. 👏🏻

I know, I know – an incredibly sexy topic, as evidenced by the words I’m about to say.

I originally wrote about this in autumn 2022 – since then, my relationship status has evolved. But the gist of the narrative remains relevant to the world of dating, along with the importance of communication when navigating intimacy.

At the time, I was experiencing another frustrating dating experience along the wildly throbbing coastlines of Portugal. This time, the frustration was the same as any other dating experienced I had attempted to explore. The root? Ghosting.

Ghosting: the reason why I hate the modern dating landscape. The next easy lay is just another swipe away. I firmly believe that reducing the search for “love” on apps has diminished personal responsibility, integrity, and accountability in relating to others.

But alas, back to the topic at hand: birth control.

I don’t date very much, but when I have attempted to navigate this (tiring) world, there are a few things that I’ve noticed:

First, that I am always the party to bring up the topic of sexual health. Are you healthy? When is the last time you were tested?

And paired with that secondarily, is the conversation about birth control.

If I wasn’t the one to bring up these topics, they wouldn’t be brought up.

It’s as if it is assumed that if nothing is said about your sexual health, you must be clean.

If nothing is said about birth control, the woman must be taking the pill.

Assumptions are dangerous, especially when you are risking STIs & unwanted pregnancy.

And yet, as far as my experience goes, the men I’ve been with don’t seem to care about either of those risks, because along with those assumptions, they don’t want to use condoms. It’s a way of navigating intimacy that doesn’t cease to confuse me.

The younger version of myself felt ashamed to bring up these topics. If no one is bringing these things up, should I? It felt like to speak these questions, words, & concerns risked rejection.

But let me say this loud & clear: rejection is a million times better than an infection, virus, or abortion.

If someone isn’t willing to communicate these things, do you really want to exchange energy & bodily fluids with them?

Your health is number one.

I’m sharing this because September 26th was World Contraception Day, & my method of choice is Natural Cycles. 👌🏻

I track my cycles with them (& hey – they have recently partnered with Oura Ring to remove the human error from measuring your temperature 😮)

It’s so important to take care of ourselves, & so much of the responsibility around birth control falls on women. And that responsibility most often has hormonal side effects that include changes to skin, mood, weight, mental health, & so much more.

Click through if you want to make the move from hormonal contraception & put your health first – with 26% off!